Saying No: When Perfection is Imperfect {31 Days of Imperfection – Day 9}

Exactly one year ago today I returned to Buffalo from my first trip to Haiti.

 

Exactly one year ago today, I also was proposed to by one of the most amazing, godly, wonderful men I’ve ever met.

 

I can only imagine the reactions of some of you reading this right now…

Say, WHAT?!?

You’re engaged?

How didn’t I know about this?

What’s going on?

Did I miss the invitation to the wedding?

 

I guess I should continue by saying:

Exactly one year ago today, I made one of the best decisions of my life this far and said, “no”.

 

 

The story of how Isaac and I met (in Uganda) and the journey leading to a proposal is a great one and I’d be willing to share it with anyone who wants to hear about it.  But for today, the ‘no’ is the important piece of the (extremely long) story.

 

As I said before, Isaac truly is one of the most amazing, godly men I’ve ever met in my entire life.  He is passionate about sharing Jesus with others.  He is well respected  by the people in his family, at his job, in his town and by everyone who meets him.  He cared for me and made sure I was protected while in some possibly dangerous situations in Uganda.  He encouraged me in my calling to ministry and my calling as a child of God (and continues to do so as an amazing brother in Christ).

 

By now some of you are probably wondering why in the world I said “no”.  While there are many reasons, one of the biggest reason is that I simply wasn’t in love with him.

 

Throughout the discussions about marriage that we had, and despite the fact that HE truly WAS in love with me, I slowly came to realize that one of the only reasons I continued to consider the prospect of getting married to Isaac was because I thought maybe that’s what God wanted me to do and I needed to prove my willingness to sacrifice for God.  Sure, Isaac had many of the characteristics of the man I hope one day I get to call “husband,” but to move forward in a big life decision like this simply out of duty is NOT the life God has called us to.

 

In my striving for perfection, I set aside one of the most important gifts God desires to give us: JOY.

 

In the weeks and months of me seeking God for wisdom, guidance, and direction, I realized that if I stepped forward in this relationship and it really WAS God’s plan, he would bless it with joy and peace.  Yet, as my heart leaned that way, there was nothing but confusion, duty, and sacrifice.  I’m not saying that God’s plans for our lives don’t involve sacrifice, because they often do, but in my trying to follow God perfectly, I had forgotten that following God is just as much about finding joy in our lives (IN HIM) as it is sacrifice.

 

Another big issue was that God gave me my passions, gifts, desires, and talents for a reason.  At that point in my life, I didn’t know where I was going to end up after my internship, but I could sense God’s calling loud and clear that I was supposed to be in America.  Throughout the time I knew Isaac, I could tell that his passions and gifts were rooted in ministry in Uganda.  As I said before, God’s plans for us are often different than our own and often include sacrifice.  However, nothing I read in God’s Word points to a God who creates us with unique desires, passions, and gifts for ministry in His Kingdom only to tell us to ignore it all.  Instead, the God I know and love gives us opportunities to use all that in a way that brings Him glory.

 

In my striving for perfection, I lost sight of this truth:

My God loves me.

He doesn’t love me because I was willing to give up everything and marry a guy (I didn’t really love) and move to Africa. He also doesn’t love me because I stayed here in America to serve him.  He doesn’t love me BECAUSE of anything I do.

He just simply loves me… imperfection and all. No ‘ifs’, ‘ands’, or ‘buts’.

He LOVES me!

 

Sometimes recognizing that love, joy, and peace comes … in saying “no.”

In the Little things…

Last night at the Short Course Bible Class on Psalm 34 we talked about noticing (tasting) God all around us, even in the little things.  Here are just a few little (and big) places I’ve tasted and seen God the last few days (in no particular order):

• A fixed closet door
• New fun colored pens to write letters to my friends
• Singing and learning about God with the preschoolers in Chapel
• Observing 22 youth go without so other could have
• Beautiful women to share life with
• Answered prayers
• Communion Sunday… the body broken. the blood shed. for forgiveness. for all.  for each.
• Sunday Wanderings through the blogosphere
• Sharing and receiving “words that make souls stronger” (Eph. 4:29)
• Cinnamon Graham Crackers with Peanut Butter
• Cleaning my apartment one room at a time, knowing that God is doing the same in his house, my heart
• A candlelight dinner in my PJs with Jesus
• Bubble Wrap
• Opportunities to practice giving myself grace
• Brownies and a fun card from dad
• An extra 15 minutes of sleep due to no school for the preschool this week (though I did miss praying with all the teachers this morning)
• Laughter with staffmates
• Connecting with other interns
• Coming home to a clean house
• Homemade chicken fingers and fries

So what about you?  Where have you tasted and seen that God truly is good recently?

BLESSED!!!

No words of my own right now, but a few from others I’d like to share.

 

 

First, this paraphrase of Matthew 5:3-5:

You’re blessed when you are out of options, and all you can do is lean on God.  Because when you realize your need for God, it is only then that you tap into His immeasurable greatness and goodness.  You’re blessed when you’ve been stripped of that which is most precious to you.  Because only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One most precious to you.

 

Also, this passage from a devotional book quoted in a blog post I read this morning. 

“Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow Me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don’t know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough! Some of My richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you must walk by faith–not by sight. This doesn’t mean closing your eyes to what is all around you. It means subordinating the visible world to the invisible Shepherd of your soul.”

 

And lastly, this beautiful prayer that was used in the traditional worship service at First Trinity last night and this morning:

"O most loving Father, You want us to give thanks for all things, to fear nothing except losing You, to follow You faithfully, and to lay all our cares on You.  Protect us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties, and give us confidence in Your merciful love given to us in our Savior Jesus, in whose Name we pray. Amen.”

Joyfullyblessed by God’s Provision

So here’s a simple, but awesome story of how God provides in ways that only God can.

So back on Thursday, the zipper on my coat broke.  While certain times and places you could kind of “make do”, I decided that Buffalo in the winter is not the place or time. 

Originally the plan (before the zipper broke) was to look for a new coat when mom was here next week.  So despite all my desire to stay AS FAR AWAY from a shopping mall on the Saturday before Christmas, I was right next to the mall and had about 30 minutes of time to kill this afternoon.

I decided to drive around a little and see if I could even find a parking spot near JC Penny’s.  Not only did I FIND a parking spot, it just so happened to be THE VERY FIRST parking spot closest to the door RIGHT near the coats. (To make a long story longer, when I was a kid, we’d call close parking spots “Thank You Jesus” parking spots as a reminder that we can thank God for ALL the blessings he provides…even things like parking spots.  So I called my mom to tell her about the “Thank You Jesus Parking Spot” and headed into the store.)

So, basically, I found a coat I really liked that was normally $200 for only $80.  While I liked it a lot, I still wasn’t willing to pay $80 for a coat since some of the other ones were on sale for like $40.  So I tried on a couple of the other coats and they didn’t fit right.  However, in trying them on, I realized they were actually on sale more than the sign said.  I took the original coat over to the price scanner and found out that until 1 pm (it was like 12:45) the coat was actually only $60.  PLUS, I ended up finding a coupon from the flyer when I walked in the story that was $10 off any purchase over $50.   To summarize, the $200 coat ended up only costing me $50. … and I really like it a lot.

Isn’t it awesome the way our God provides?!?

I also wanted to share some fun times God provided from later today. 

First of all, I stopped to see Laura today.  She is doing well and wanted to say hi to everyone and thanks for all the encouragement and support. (She especially loves her prayer blanket as you can see below!)

 

Another big blessing was an afternoon/evening spent with the Whiteds.  Here are some fun pictures from the cookie decorating extravaganza!

Please Don’t Underestimate Them!

I read this yesterday as the Facebook status of a high school girl and got her permission to share it here: 

I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I’m a virgin. I’m in high school, and I will not lose my self-respect just to "fit in".

Wow.

And the world says there’s no hope for this generation?!? 

Well, I think this girl just chose to stand up and say to ‘the world’, "YOU’RE WRONG!"

The coolest part about this, is that I know this girl is not alone!  Whether others are boldly posting their stance as a Facebook status or not, they state it with their lives!

Don’t underestimate our teens.  PLEASE!

Instead, remind them that they are beautiful and wonderful and creative and talented… that they are worth loving… just the way they are. 

Encourage them to refuse to change themselves to fit a mold and rather to just be who God created them to be.  Love them when they make mistakes, because we all do, and offer forgiveness.  I invite you to join me in showing them the respect they deserve.

When I Forget God’s Love.

This part of a blog post by Matt McGill made me stop and think today:

When I forget God’s love, my guilt lingers.
When I forget God’s love, my joy is fleeting.
When I forget God’s love, my compassion shrinks.
When I forget God’s love, my pain grows.
When I forget God’s love, my purpose is forgotten.
When I forget God’s love, my fears become my focus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Lord, help me never to forget Your love!

Hope {Day 12} – Hope and Contentment… the Best of Friends

Tonight at the wonderful Philippians Short Course Bible Study at First Trinity we were studying chapter 4.  It’s a wonderful chapter which I strongly suggest everyone read.  (You could even do so right now by clicking here.)  Anyway, in summary here are a few things covered in that chapter:

• vs 4 – Finding JOY in the Lord
• vs. 5-7 – Finding PEACE to replace anxiety through prayer
• vs. 8-9 – Finding TRUTH to fight the lies Satan gets us to believe.
• vs. 10-20 – Finding CONTENTMENT in Jesus rather than our circumstances.

You may be starting to wonder what all of that has to do with a blog post that is supposed to be about HOPE. 

 

However, as I was driving home just now, I began to realize that “CONTENTMENT” and “HOPE” are very much alike.  Maybe hope grows out of contentment or contentment comes from hope or maybe neither, but in any case, many similarities appear.

 

Take a look at what Paul says here in Philippians 4 about being content:

… I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know that it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength. 

Just like contentment, we learn to find HOPE no matter what the circumstance.  Hope doesn’t come FROM the circumstance.  Most of the time, if we look at our situation, we’d probably find more despair than hope. So while hope doesn’t come from the situation, we can find hope IN the situation. 

 

Paul states here that he found “the secret” to contentment, and it comes in looking to Christ for strength.  The same is true of HOPE… we have to look to something, or rather Someone, outside of our situation in order to find hope. 

 

Verse 19 tells who that Someone is:

And my God will meet ALL your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Despair, the opposite of hope, comes when we start to think that there’s no way out… our situation is too big… to hard… too much… my needs are too many or too great.  In reality, when we can’t find contentment or we can’t find hope… it’s because somehow our circumstances have blinded from seeing God’s provision.  We start to let our minds wander and think, “Well, maybe God isn’t enough for me.” Our situation can, at times, keep us from realizing that our God is MORE than enough for us.  He provides ABUNDANTLY.

 

When fear and anxiety attempt to rob us of contentment or hope… we can focus on “whatever is true.” (vs. 8 ) And this my friends is true:

OUR GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF US! 

 

Provision.

 

Contentment.

 

HOPE.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gracious God,

We thank you for the promise that you will provide for ALL our needs.  We thank you that you’re not giving us just enough to survive, but that you provide abundantly, that You are MORE than enough for us.  When the situations and circumstances of our lives blind us and fill us with anxiety, give us strength and bring us back to truth.  We know from Your Word that in that place of truth… in being honest with you in prayer, your peace will guard our hearts and our minds.  That is our prayer tonight, Lord… that you would protect our hearts and minds from despair as you point us to Hope Himself, Jesus Christ.

It’s in His name we pray,

AMEN!

Joyfullyblessed… to dig into God’s Word

In the process of handing out nametags and talking to people tonight at short course, I realized that I’ve officially been at First Trinity for three months.

 

I don’t think there’s a better way to celebrate than an awesome opportunity to dig into God’s Word together.   What a fun night in Philippians 2!

 

(And then I realized– that means I’m 1/4 the way through my internship… and I’ve still got A LOT to learn in the coming months!)

 

LOVE IT HERE!

Joyfullyblessed… with HOPE!

Hope.  We use this word so often that I think it has lost some of it’s meaning. 
“I hope it doesn’t rain today.”
“I hope ‘such-n-such’ sports team wins their game.”
”I hope I did okay on my test/work project/etc.”

 

But truly, hope is a much greater concept.   When we really look at hope, we realize that often it is all we have… and that is is more than enough… that is, when our hope is found in something bigger than if someone notices our new outfit or we succeed in whatever we do today.

 

To not have hope is truly a horrible thing… a scary thing… a DANGEROUS thing.  BUT to have true hope, is beautiful beyond words.

“God did this so that… we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.  We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. …” (Hebrews 6:18-19a)

An anchor.  Something stable.  Isn’t that what we all really want in life… isn’t that what we all really need.  HOPE.  And not just some flimsy half-hope as if wishing for something that probably won’t happen.  In this crazy, chaotic, painful, confusing world, we need hope that anchors us to the Unchangeable, Immovable, ROCK… Jesus.

“… [Hope] enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf….” (Hebrews 6:19b-20a) 

Just as an anchor on a ship holds the boat firm in the wind and the waves, this anchor, hope, settles in to the deep love of Jesus and holds us firm and secure no matter what life brings.  What a beautiful picture to know that we can set our hope in Jesus.

 

I could end here but my heart yearns to go further… what about those who have no hope or have tried to place that anchor in things other than Jesus.

 

Have you ever known such a person?  I have.  The darkness in their souls goes so deep.  Their pain becomes unbearable and hope is “lost”.  Maybe you not only know that person, maybe you ARE that person.  And I guess the question begs itself… how is hope restored?

 

And strangely enough, on this chilly October day, my thoughts shift to a well-known Christmas carol, “O Holy Night”:

Long lay the world In sin and error pining,
‘Til He appear’d And the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks A new and glorious morn.

Pining.  Longing.  Yearning. To hunger.  To ache.

 

I believe this really describes that person who has “lost” hope.  I believe this really describes each and every one of us at one point in time or another as we are caught in our “sin and error”… we’re left longing for more.

‘TIL HE APPEAR’D! 

 

That’s the key… THAT’S the transition… that’s… the HOPE!

 

Only when we see Jesus can our soul feel its worth.  “I’m worth something.”  That’s what the the hopeless soul needs to be reminded of.  Suddenly a thrill of hope appears and not just hope… but JOY as well… suddenly breaking through the deep shadows of a soul comes a newness… restoration… LIFE.

 

Hope is restored when we set our eyes back on Jesus… when we admit that we’re not in control… when we realize our weariness … when we recognize that self-effort just doesn’t cut it.

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives STRENGTH TO THE WEARY and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall;

but those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength.

  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

~ Isaiah 40:28-31 ~

 

 

Joyfullyblessed… by Crossroads CONNECT

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job?  If I haven’t, well it’s A LOT!  Sometimes I even hate using the words “job” or “work” to describe my internship here at First Trinity because I just simply love what I get to do each day.

Anyway, I’ve decided that a lot of my friends/family back home (and even some of you here at First Trinity that are not directly connected with High School or College Ministries) never really hear about what I’m actually doing on this internship.   To fix that I’ve decided that every once in a while I’d give an update about one specific area of ministry I’m focused on.  While there are many I could start with, I’m really excited about Crossroads right now, specifically Crossroads CONNECT  and thought I’d share about that first.

Crossroads (for those that don’t know) is the name of the high school minsitry here at First Trinity.  This ministry makes up about half of my job description this year and deals with everything related to high school ministry… activities, events, Sunday school, summer trips etc.  The idea behind the name “Crossroads” is that high schoolers often find themselves at a crossroads in the decisions they are making and Crossroads programs are aimed at connecting the ancient truth of God’s Word with real life issues of high school students.  It comes from Jeremiah 6:16 which says:

“This is what the Lord says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it and you will find rest for your souls.”

A new Crossroads program started just four weeks ago and is called Crossroads CONNECT.  This weekly gathering specifically for high school students meets on Thursday nights with three main goals:

• to connect high school students with Jesus (to connect “real life” and “faith” in high school students’ lives)
• to connect high school students with each other
• to connect high school students with the First Trinity Family as a whole.

Throughout the year we hope to reach these broad goals through many means including devotions, Bible studies, games, activities, service projects, and more.  

What we do specifically each night kind of rotates.   Once a month we will have a service project around church.  This not only was a request of the students (to have more opportunties to do service projects) but will also help connect them to First Trinity as a whole as they explore opportunities to serve and see others who serve in the church.  Once a month will be more games and activities.  While we hope to create an environment every week where students would feel comfortable to invite their friends, this game night each month will be specifically geared toward inviting friends to check out Crossroads.  The other weeks of each month are spent doing activities, Bible studies, etc. which dig deep into the issues high school students face and what God’s Word says about them.

So there’s kind of an overview of Crossroads CONNECT!

Want to pray for this new program?  Here are some specific things to pray for:
- that God would continue to be present each week as we discuss real life issues and His Word
- for opportunities through this for students to connect with other congregation members and that God would provide adult volunteers passionate about these goals
- for the relationships that are being formed through this weekly gathering
- for students to be challenged to know God more and to show Him to their friends